Please know these thoughts to be in random order. This is a writing in progress. The time line will align itself as the writings continue. Posts will be edited as work progresses, so stay tuned and enjoy the backlogs. It will make sense in the end. After all, life always comes full circle, no?
In March, 2004 I moved back to Salt Lake City. Called to help, the need to cut ties and return was immediate. An ailing father and elderly mother needed assistance that was mine to give. I could not say no. I had lived the better part of half my life in Brooklyn, NY. Strong ties were made and many memories will remain with me. Memories that make me smile. Memories that make me cry and memories that horrify me.
Thinking back, I remember the reasons for change. Let me back up a bit and tell you a little bit of what was.
The lifestyle was eating me from the inside out. Corrupt and hedonistic, filled with the pleasure we called upon to heighten or dull the senses, whatever the occasion called for. The street, lined with the palaces of our choice. A drink, a dance and pull. This was a period of my life that only added to the years of abuse and experimentation that had gone unchecked. Addiction is a strong and lonely shadow. It moves with you, it stays pasted to the wall beside you, beckoning with a crooked deceit filled smile, calling.
To steal words from Dante's Inferno: "This man has not yet seen his last evening; But, through his madness, was so close to it, That there was hardly time to turn about"
During this time, my spirit carried the weight of disillusionment and despair. It cried out to leave, to rest in a peaceful space. It wanted to leave my body and twice it tried. The out of body experiences proved a willingness at least to end the cycle of horror that was the whole of my experience during this time in my life.
There came a turning point in my life, a decision was made to travel another road, one that would not kill me. A road that junkies do not travel. At one point on this journey I asked a question. I asked the Universe, God, Myself, a question. The answer to that question was simple and immediate, play music.
~The dreams will continue
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