COLLECTED VERSES: scratch pad archives

busy girl
summertime...2001 SL

You're such a girl...such a busy girl
It's like Voo Doo what you do so well
You're such a girl...such a busy girl
Take a look at me...I can't break the spell

credits 11.22.01
(worktime thinker)

Please just let me...sit through the credits
I want to see...who wrote this play
all this love... and happy people.....
never mind...
I'm not in it anyway.

drive away
12.03.01

I like to walk a two way street...one where’s room for two
I’m headed for collision...a straight on crash with you.
I like to see your “ traffic” coming...
I’ll always look both ways
and most times now the road’s not clear
I cut right through the haze

So drive away, far away...don’t ever look behind
Take it to the limit...as far as you can go
and never cross the yellow line unless you want to know

but sometimes baby, I am blinded, blinded by your light...
and I just keep on turning left... when I should be going right.
my first impression was a cloudy view ....in time the fog has blown away
and now I see you clearly....a crying angel...for you a better day.
Lord knows I’ve tried.... tried to catch your quiet tears
but drop by drop they slipped on down.... and pooled around your fears.

So drive away, far away...don’t ever look behind
Take it to the limit...as far as you can go
and never cross the yellow line unless you want to know

EVERY MOMENT SPINNING (12.03.01)

... and if I told you I’m afraid, would you hold me till I’m ready?
If I stumbled on the walk, would you catch me, hold me steady?
...and if I was blind, I couldn’t see, would you lead me with your love?

And the times when I’m without you
I feel every moment spinning, ...like water raging to the drain
pull me up.....I’m drowning.

and when you tell me of your pain, would you look into my eyes?
and if I said I needed you would you press me to your thighs?
If I was dumb, I could not speak, would you lead me with your love?

And the times when I’m without you
I feel every moment spinning, ...a painted horsedrawn carousel
hold me tight....I’m falling

In my mind and everywhere.........I know there’s another world
please don’t make me weep again..............of where i’ve been before
...and if I breath in all your madness? Would you breathe in my love?

and the times when I’m without you...I feel every moment spinning
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EVERYTHING WAS PERFECT
(one late november night)
November 24, 2001

I dreamed we walked
to nowhere in particular
words were not exchanged...we walked in silence.
I knew you loved me..
you leaned your head into my shoulder
your arm around my waist.
I was happy by the shore.....everything was perfect

glitter
03.30.02

there’s glitter on the pillows...burn marks on the floor
the smell of cloves in billows...as you slowly close the door
lately i’ve been swimming ...in a lifetime’s pool of tears
not crying for the way... i spent my foolish years
i threw my cards into the hat...held tightly to the queen
and found the joker grinning...at the silly fool i’ve been
when i danced with you...i danced alone...in a sea of lonely faces
and i sang the sweet low melody...of long deserted places
how can we be over...when we never even started
before the time that we could join... you have since departed
you poured water...you laughed...and called it wine
and i with you...closed my eyes...and dreamed to make you mine
still...there’s glitter on the table...burn marks on the floor
the smell of cloves still able...as you slowly close the door
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guilty 02.24.02

I’ve been convicted...guilty of giving you
the very part of me....that i did not mean to
i didn’t plan it out...didn’t take the time
to pick the lock that holds your heart...steal it ...make it mine
and so the years between us... are keeping me in jail
and you so young and lovely...hold the ticket to my bail...
won’t you set me free.
---
I am your toaster 12.03.01

I am your toaster, get me hot. I am your oven, turn me on.
your golden hair, your quiet stare...

you turn me on.

We started so fast, I could not believe myself
I thought we had each other ..... you placed me on the shelf

I am your toaster, get me hot. I am your oven.....turn me on.
your golden hair, your quiet stare...

you turn me on.
---------------------------------
i push play
12.31.01 (last full moon)

i push play to hear your voice... i do it all the time..
it’s just a message on my telephone...it doesn’t even rhyme...
i push play when i feel alone...when i call you ...and you’re not home.
you say... leave your name and leave your number...i’ll return your call...
but you never do...you never do...another message on the wall.
i push play and listen..i can’t walk away
waitin’ in the darkness...twenty times a day.
i should have run away...a long, long time ago
but i have the need to stay...i can’t let you go.
so i push play to hear your voice... i do it all the time..
speak to me of love....my love.
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i thought of you
12.09.01 10:48pm

i thought of you this timeless day...and what we could discover
ninety three purple moons...filled the starry skies
and sandstone castles turned to dust before our very eyes
i thought of you this timeless day...
the oceans spilled into a thimble...and seas turned boiling hot
and all the wisdom of all the kings...held for ransom, held for not
i thought of you this timeless day...and what we could discover
i thought of you this timeless day...
of you to be my other
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i want my sundays back
12.09.01... cold gray sunday

We used to spend our sundays together
passing windows in the city... laughing on our backs
writing notes on pizza plates.. thumbing through the comic racks
(...and stealing pasta when they weren’t looking)
sometimes you’d punch me and tell me that you hate me...
you’d meet me at the station...the one near union square
trading caps and drinking beers..always more than one
then the sundays came and went...and suddenly you’re not there
I want my sundays back
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"I WAS SO CLOSE TO YOU"
11.27.01....Tuesday, overcast (took the day off) Am, Dm,...C, Bm

I was so close to you...so close to you.
I let you get away....what can I do?

I feel like crying.....crying.....forever (4 times)

I held you close to me...so close to me
and now you're far away...to far to see.

The pain in my heart....the tear in my eye....for you (4 times)

and now I stand alone....where are you?
I'm going home....where are you?
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ill obsession 02.2002

i’ve been struck by ill obsession
i want back..my soul possession
and i know by your description
There’s just to much in me
to waste it all on you
i’ve made... your young acquaintance
you’ve made... it very clear
so i’m getting ready now
to get away from here.
your razor wire cuts me deep
won’t let me breathe...let me sleep
i’ve been struck by ill obsession
i want back...my soul possession
-------------------------
it’s cold in here
02.10.00...blue rain...cold in and out

It’s dark in here...cold, dark and deep....open up your heart gate...let me out.

to such extremes, you’ve gone...to keep me locked inside
I’ve tried all to make escape...all that ‘s new is still aside

It’s dark in here...cold, dark and deep...open up your heart gate...let me out.

it’s been a long time...since I’ve played this game...I just don’t know the rules
and so i find you placed me down...into your room of fools

i build my dreams...a shattered pile of tries...they slowly fall away
then i dig...a spade of hope...I plow the coming day

t’s dark in here...cold, dark and deep...open up your heart gate...let me out.
-----------------------------
MIDNIGHT HOUR 11.28.01

He just sits there staring..so hard he tries to feel.
Of all the worlds he's been to...this one seems so real.
deep in his secret heart..where no one else has been,
the echo of his past comes screaming...are you coming in?
and he's your broken winged angel...take all the pieces you need
let him fold his love around you...for on your pain he'll feed.
and he's running from tomorrow...heading to the edge
Black eyed, blue and crying ....he feels your loveless wedge
He's running from tomorrow...spinning to the brink
gently reach out, touch him....please don’t let him sink.
(if you don't give...he'll steal...your heart to heal his wounds)
---------------------------------
murder love
12.09.01 8:28pm

i know you can do it...you’ve done it all before
seen a hundred children...walkin’ out the door
come on baby, i know you can...you can do it all again
you can murder love...dead dove...you can kill a friend.
take a hundred lovers...walk ‘em through the line”.
take ‘em in , turn ‘em out.....then you say..

”bitch, don’t spill my wine”.
-----------------
my house is burning
12.31.01 2:07am

i stand atop my house....and it’s burning
but....i can’t save the world
i see you crying...whispers to your shadow
but... i can’t save the world.

if i could...i’d save your tears...down like autumn rain
and then i’d place them to my lips and drink away your pain.
i stand atop my house....and it’s burning
and i feel... within your soul...it’s yearning
but ...i can’t save the world

you tried to push me far from you...dear you have succeeded
i gave you all of me i could... you took what you needed
i stand atop my house....oh it’s burning
and i feel... within my soul...it’s yearning
but...i can’t save the world

suddenly i’m spinning...and the walls to dust again
our confusion’s two foggy dreams...can’t they be the same?
i’ve been here before...i see you crying
but....i can’t save the world
my house is burning...our souls yearning
but... i can’t save the world
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PORK CHOPS AND POTATO
(november’s meal)

I’ll take pork chops and potato...lettuce and tomato
and then a piece of pie...
and when I do, it’s up to you to look me in the eye......
all I want ... you can’t give me
to bad for me.....I’m sad...
...and tell me that you don’t love me.
I’ll take it black and sweet
---------------------------
quit 02.24.02

quit...you’re driving me insane
split...you’ve done that to my brain
one side wants to leave you...the other wants to stay
i don’t know the magic...that will let me have my way
i’ve gone through all the books....looked closely at my heart
be still the space between us...once again i’ll start
in this lonely city...a million lonely eyes
but for me there’s only yours..and for you a million tries
do you love me...do you really care
or do you need me...when no one else is there
so i say quit...and yes, i’ve split...i really can’t decide
i’ll just go on ...and act the way i do..
i yearn the day you’ll notice....i’m always by your side...always there for you....

(i wouldn’t have it any other way.)
------------------
reflections 12.07.01 (at work)

are those the stars in the sky...or are they reflections of your tears?
do I hear doves crying in the trees....or just the echo of your fears?
i see children smiling, laughing....or did I walk in on your dream?
green sea waves crashing hard against the wall
...or just the rush of forgotten hearts
...bursting at the seam?
----------------------
SO FAR FROM YOU 11/25/01

you don't have time to worry about a broken heart
....you don't need to worry
the leaves, silver and gray hang slanted on the trees
the sky, a pale and cloudless backdrop.
venetians, slit a purple morning...
5:45am ...I wish you were here to drink coffee with me
you, sweet child, are the one that I would love forever.
you have fed me a morsels and now I starve for more.
i am involved with you. How long can it be like this?
i want to take the next step Open your soul for me to kiss.
when I met you.....I lost my balance, my sense of cool
now I need ...to fall so far from you....
chance this to another day...i need to fall so far from you.
-----------------------
the edge
02.02

rip me open...for all to see.
to bare to you... inside of me
tear me apart...I’ll give you more.
throw me down...the edge
a place I’ve been before.
my inside’s out...I’ve given you
the very being in me.
spread my ribs....and cut my heart
wih your scalpel made of lies.
then kiss me on my open lips
one kiss... just one...then goodbye.
-----------------
the message in your eyes
12.08.01...7:33pm

I can’t tell by the way you walk....
I can’t hear you when you talk...
but I can read
the message in your eyes.
I can’t feel when you tell me to...
I don’t always feel the way you do
but I can read
the message in your eyes
I can’t say what’s deep inside..
nor can I tell if you’ve just lied.
all I can do..........
is walk away
...from the message in your eyes
-----------------------
walls
jan/feb 2001....Pete’s candy store

and so you’re feeling sorry
sorry for yourself
there’s no need to
place me on the shelf
you say that know one loves you
you’re the only one who cares
put two and two together
read the writing on the walls
they will tell you that i love
that i really care
they’ll whisper all my dreams
then fling them in the air
all you have to do is listen
close your eyes and know
that someone loves you
...the walls will tell no lies.
------------
were i king
12.09.01 5:45pm

were i king....you should swing... so lightly from the gallows
guitly as charged.... in the first degree...for the negligence of one’s heart.
but i’m not king...so you shant swing...let me be the fellow
who says..come my love...let’s begin again...another chance from start
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what if?...12.12.01 .2:29am

what if there were three moons that played hostess to the night?
and one hundred suns floated in the sky...on strings...like kites?
and all the stars... twinkled from the bottom of the sea?
and i woke up this morning...and you were next to me....?
what if all the mountains turned to water...
and the water pooled to seas?
and all the rivers held no direction...?
flowing where they please?
and all the little champagne bubbles suddenly were set free?
and i woke up this morning...and you were next to me?
i could take if up was down... and i could swim in air
if when i woke up...
this morning....
you were really there
-----------------------
when i bleed
12.09.01 10:34pm

when i bleed...i bleed you
when i breathe...i breathe you.
when i see...i see you
when i want...i taste you
you beat me with your silence
i die...because of you
when i come back...i’ll be king
you’ll fly against the wind
swinging freely from your gallows...
singing sweetly...” take my sin”
and so i’ll bleed you...breathe you... be you
and you’ll beat me with your silence.
-----------------------
when you’re gone 02.24.02

and when you are gone....the feelings stay
i try not to remember...to let them fade away
still they’re stronger ...so much stronger than i
it’s just there’s so much love for you ...it will never die.
is it so hard...so hard to understand...
.i wish you were my woman ...i wish i were your man
it hurts to love you like i do...you seem to see straight through me
i just need to be inside you...you surrounding me
i don’t care who knows...or if they disapprove
all i know...my world’s unraveled...with every breath you soothe
but when you’re gone...the feelings stay
i try not to remember...but you won’t go away
in my heart...you’ll never fade away
never fade away
------------------------
where is your love for me?
(11.22.01)

your love's a ball and chain to me, I'll never be the same
practically insane, you're almost gone again.
I'd walk forever to break these rusty chains
that squeeze, the bitter love coursing through your veins.

It hurts too much... to understand your frantic lunacy
I love you and your loneliness...where is your love for me?
did you hide it far away...in your secret velvet box?
or did you hide it far... break the key into the lock?

I'm on the edge looking down, outside looking at you
But you don't know what you're looking for, I'm like a ghost to you
Tell me what I have to say, scream to me the things to do
hold for me your secret thoughts and write them on my wall.

I can't believe I'm so far from you, I'm choking on my sighs
I'm calling on you to say goodbye, while looking through your eyes.
Can you take me to the place where I'll never hurt again?
Can you look me in the face and tell me it's not the end?

I while away...while I wait...to hear you say I love you.
-------------------------------
you
first quarter 2001

you... with your quiet brown eyes
don’t ever feel neglected
you... and your quiet ways...
don’t ever feel alone

you ...who are somebody special...
you...who are in my life
you...I love you.

where is the light that shines the path
into your heart?
--------------------------------------
you reached up

You reached up to me...last night on the platform
the sky...
I ‘ve never seen...
a purple so serene
a moon of ice...
stars of glass...
and velvet blue between
you reached up to me last night on the platform...
and you kissed me
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